Wake- Up Call!

Today I had another midwife appointment. Two very big things happened in this appointment.

Number one - Sharon informed me that my ultrasound indicated that the baby is Pyelectasis in one of his kidneys. Here is a link to the most informative internet article I found thus far in case you would like to know what that is, because I couldn't possibly explain it well enough.
http://www.childrensmemorial.org/depts/fetalhealth/pyelectasis.aspx

While she assured me that this usually resolves itself and isn't uncommon, especially in male fetuses, I am still worried. I get to be. It's my baby. And in the event that it doesn't resolve itself, it can cause significant kidney damage. So yes, I get to worry.

Which brings me to this other tidbit of delightfulness...I have gained 30 pounds since becoming pregnant. I wasn't very concerned about weight gain until now because although I thought I seemed to be gaining pretty quickly, I knew it was a normal healthy part of pregnancy. Since I've been eating well and getting pretty regular exercise I was sure this was just my body's way of being pregnant. No big deal.

Then I stepped on the scale at my appointment today and realized that I have gained a LOT of weight since my second trimester began, and that worries me. I told my midwife about my concerns, and while she assured me that as long as I was eating well and getting regular moderate-intensity exercise I needn't worry about it, when I said the number from the scale, her eyes widened. She tried to recover quickly, but I saw it...

On the way home my mind was overcome with negative thoughts like "What are you doing wrong?" "You must not be as healthy an eater as you think!" and "You are not giving your baby the best start possible- what is wrong with you?!"

After a much needed lie-down, my mind became a little clearer, and I started seriously evaluating my lifestyle as of late. First of all, with moving home, reconciling with Jim and working on our relationship, making plans to move to Nova Scotia, and the problems that inevitably come with living with a 12-year-old going through puberty and a 48-year-old going through menopause, I realized something. I am stressed. To the max. Stress has always been a big cause of weight gain for me, and many other human beings. And while I've done everything in my power to try and manage that stress, I'm not great at it. I'm hoping the decision to spend the rest of my pregnancy in the countryside of Nova Scotia will be one that will bring some much needed stress relief to my life. If that doesn't I don't know what will. As for Jim and I, things between us are wonderful now, with the only stressful relationship factor being that we are 14 hours apart and only see eachother for about a week every month. Nothing can be done about that, so until September comes and brings full-time Jim with it, I will just have to contiue to deal with that. And honestly, just knowing what a good place we're in right now makes even the long-distance issue seem like a small thing to deal with. It could be much worse.

Now, let's put the stress issue aside, because I am no longer one who sees a possible cause of a problem, then quickly and easily assign blame to it and move on. No, I am one to look at every possible cause or option, then think about them, read about them, learn about them (etc.) until I know what course of action to take. I think impending motherhood has caused this change in my way of thinking and decision making. And while I've always enjoyed being carefree and somewhat reckless, the change is a welcome one.

I have always been suspicious of what modern health officials have to say about what constitutes healthy eating and what doesn't. Ever since I reached an age where I began to get to know myself and question things, diet has always been an area of interest and experimentation. I have always had a gut feeling that eating animals and their bi-products is not only wrong, but seriously unhealthy. And I have to note that the biggest diet change I've made since becoming pregnant is dramatically increasing the amount of meat and dairy I consume.

I've been a lover of veggies and fruit for a few years now (thank goodness, because that might have been a hard habit to pick up quickly) so I know I get enough of that goodness, but because I don't feel I know enough about veganism to nourish my baby adequately if I stopped consuming animal products, I haven't tried. Instead, I have consumed huge amounts of animal products in an effort to efficiently and easily get the nutrients that baby books and north American doctors recommend for pregnant women. I have a nagging feeling that in doing so, I have unconsciously made myself less healthy than I was pre-pregnancy. This makes me wonder why, after years of honing my personal diet preferences and learning by experimentation what makes me feel good inside and out, I would scrap my personal beliefs about healthy eating and blindly follow the advice of the general public, and of books written by and for (for the most part, I'm not trying to pigeon-hole here) people who see nothing wrong with eating animal products.

I have decided to do a serious lifestyle overhaul. Being pregnant, this means I will start first by reading. I wouldn't be so reckless and selfish as to learn by experimentation when my baby's health is at stake. I am going to read and solicit advice on such topics as diet, prenatal exercise, media influence on stress levels and meditation. I want to learn (take a deep breath, because this is heavy) simply put, the best way to live. Obviously that will have to mean the best way to live in North America, because if the best way to live is to be self-sustaining and live in a yurt in the middle of a field with a pet goat and deliver my baby myself, I will be biting off more than I can chew, and guarantee-ing my kid gets picked on hardcore come public school.

Honestly though, what better time to really figure out what the best ways to eat, exercise, spend free time and relax are? And if the worst possible outcome is that I have to change some things about how I live, then what the heck am I waiting for? I've already changed my eating habits, my exercise habits, my plans for the future and my priorities. What have I got to lose?