In Thunder Bay...and the living's easy.

I've been in Thunder Bay for two days now, and I am incredibly relaxed and rested. Life is good.

The trip to Winnipeg was surprisingly nice. The landscape was beautiful and captured my attention for most of the ride despite the novels and SuDoku sitting untouched in my bag. I saw two moose and two wolves! I had never seen wolves before that so I was very excited! I think the bus driver mistook my excitement about the wolves for excitement about any kind of wildlife, and he therefore proceeded to wake me up every time he saw an animal on the side of the highway. It was cute, but kind of annoying since we were on the lat 4 hours of the trip and I was exhausted.

Winnipeg was awesome, and it was soooooo nice to see Joce and Jason. It had been a little over a year since I got to spend any quality time with them. Well overdue. I guess being away from good friends is a part of being an adult though...boo. Anyways, we ate at a place called Mongo's which was INCREDIBLE and officially my favourite restaurant in the world now! I got to assemble a bowl of goodies like soy beans, black beans, chick peas, bok choy, bean sprouts, peppers, tofu and rice noodles, then a whole bunch of random sauces and spices, then watched them grill it in front of me. LOVE IT! Jim arrived on Wednesday around suppertime and that was wonderful. I missed him a lot. On Thursday we went to the mall, and I got a couple of maternity wear items (ones I really like that I would have bought pre-pregnancy, which was thrilling!) and went to Build-A-Bear to assemble the cutest stuffed puppy EVER for the baby. There were so many add-on options it was overwhelming, but in the end we picked out a red handkerchief and the thing is adorable. Picturing the baby dragging it behind him by the ear makes my toes wiggle with excitement!

The drive to Thunder Bay was looooong, mostly because I was so tired, but we got to stop in Ignace and visit Rosa and Daniella which was nice. Like I told Rosa, if I can figure out how to raise our son so that he turns out as good as the Harrington kids I will be tickled pink! I guess we will wait and see...

Anyhow, while Jim is at ground school I am on my own and have been relaxing, reading, doing a little yoga, and today I'm going on a hunt for produce! Last night we went to Boston Pizza with a bunch of Jim's friends which was nice. They were all really nice people, but after two hours of sitting in a tall chair my butt and lower back hurt so much we had to check outta there! Tonight we're going to see Sex and the City, and tomorrow is Old Navy maternity section day!!! I'm excited.

Jim felt the baby kick for the first time on Wednesday, which was incredible to watch. It was so nice because it makes me sad that he has to miss out on so much of the pregnancy. Two weeks together feels like such a luxury though, so I will be relishing every minute!

Pregnancy-wise, the past few days have been good, with my only complaints being my incredibly itchy belly, and sore feet. My tootsies enjoyed a blissful foot rub from Jim last night though!

Anyhow, next time I write I'll be in Nova Scotia. Pretty exciting stuff!

Home.

Well, it's Sunday morning and I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face. I just woke up and looked around my empty room and realized that for the first time I'm leaving and I have no idea when I'll be back. I've left before, and those of you who know me well (including myself) probably knew it was just a matter of time before I left again, but this time it's different.

This time I'm embarking upon the greatest, hardest, most wonderful, rewarding and challenging thing I will ever do and I'm doing it miles and miles away from the people I love, who love me, who have raised me and shaped me into this wild crazy woman that I am. I love you all. I will especially miss you women (Mom, Auntie Laura, Auntie Debbie, Auntie Lynda and Auntie Suzie) who have taught me what it is to be a strong, caring, willful, creative, wise, loving and lovely woman. You five have taught me what it means to be a mother, and I just hope I can take all of your best qualities with me and teach my son just how valuable they are. Most girls are lucky to have one mother to raise and love them, and I was blessed with five. I am really going to miss you. You are irreplaceable to me.

I know in my heart that this is going to be the most incredibly exciting time of my life, and I am incredibly anxious to meet my son. Soon enough, I will be home and you will meet him too!

I'll be living out of my suitcase for awhile, so I don't know when I will write next, but considering all the change that is about to take place, and all of the hormones surging through my body, I'm willing to bet it will be soon...

23 Weeks!

This week has been BUSY! With volunteering, packing, seeing people to say goodbye and going to appointments I have been exhausted, but it's been a great week. I can't complain about being busy because pretty soon I will be relaxing on the beautiful Nova Scotia countryside! I can hardly wait.

Some recent developments (besides my ever-growing boobs, of course) are an extremely itchy belly, very swollen ankles and a couple of teeny tiny stretch marks under by belly button. For the tummy I've got some oatmeal, which has helped a bit. For my swollen ankles and feet my midwife recommended cucumber, watermelon and hot water with lemon. And for my stretch marks the fine ladies at the health food store suggested shea butter. Not shea butter body shop or pharmacy style, but 100% shea butter. After reading about how many harmful chemicals are in the hair and body products we use every day, I decided I would put nothing on my body unless it would be safe to eat. I figure if it's not safe to put in my body, it shouldn't be considered safe to put it on my body.

I've been eating about 65% raw for the last little bit (except for Saturday when I had a lunch and dinner date and ate whatever caught my eye...which I paid for dearly later) and have been feeling great because of it! Raw food seriously changes your life. There are a couple of articles about it on my other blog (the link to it is on my blog profile at the right side of this page) if you're interested in the most wonderful, energizing, nourishing way to eat possible!

My little boy is obviously destined to be a great soccer player because he has been kicking like a maniac! My midwife was saying at our appointment today not to be worried about not feeling the baby often, because I won't feel him daily until my 24th week. I told her I don't just feel him every day, but multiple times a day! She said active babies are healthy babies, so that was wonderfully reassuring. In fact, on Sunday night I was watching TV and my belly was popping up in the place he was kicking me. It was so thrilling that I started squealing with delight! I'm excited for Jim to be able to feel him kicking from the outside when we see eachother in a week.

I wish I could write more, but I have a lot of putting-of-stuff-into-boxes before Friday afternoon, and I plan on going to bed early because I am WIPED.

Next time I write I will either be in Winnipeg, Thunder Bay or Salt Springs, NS!

Ciao!

Big Belly Roadblock...

I thought I'd share with you two stories from today.

When Anthony got home from school this afternoon, I was napping on the couch. Obviously his entrance woke me up, and the urgent need to pee directly followed. I started trying to roll myself off the couch (grunting with effort while I did so) with Anthony watching and laughing. After a little bit I gave up on the rolling (Anthony didn't give up on the laughing) and managed to get myself upright by pulling on the top of the couch and hoisting myself up into a sitting position. I looked up at Anthony, said "I'm fat" in a dejected tone, then walked past him to the bathroom as he fell onto his knees laughing at me. He's such a nice kid.

On a more delightful note, today another volunteer at the soup kitchen looked at me and said "You really look like a mother." I was beaming for the rest of the day.

My throat is on FIRE right now.

22 Week Scare!

For the past week and 1/2 I've been doing some work for the soup kitchen and have been kind of wiped out from it, although I've enjoyed it a lot so far. So besides being tired, the past week has been alright. As mentioned in last week's blog, I decided to start doing some research on different ways of eating, exercising, meditating, etc. and have already learned so much! I've started another blog to write about all of it, partly because I want this blog to stay pregnancy-centered, and partly because I've become so obsessed with learning about this stuff that I want to be able to share it with everyone. If the topic of a healthy lifestyle interests you, I recommend checking it out, even if just to get some ideas of your own about where to start your own exploring.

Now, back to baby talk! This past week has been interesting to say the least. Heartburn rears it's ugly head on a daily basis, usually at night, which leaves me popping tums like they're candy. Most of you know how much I detest taking any kind of medicine or pain relief pills, so I haven't been happy with that. I'm looking into natural remedies for heartburn but nothing has worked to my satisfaction so far. A little bit of milk is supposed to help, but I stay away from milk because it increases inflammation, which makes my round ligament pain more pronounced. Not eating 2-3 hours before bed is supposed to help, but I've been getting really hungry before bed, and when I'm hungry I feel nauseous, so obviously I can'y sleep. Tea made with ginger root is also supposed to help, but drinking anything less than 2 hours before bed keeps me up peeing half the night. So what the heck do I do? Pop more Tums I guess. I am determined to figure this out though. Next time I'm going to try carrots. Apparently the juice from carrots is supposed to help due to their alkaline nature. It's worth a try anyways!

On Friday I barely slept at all due to heartburn, and as a result I felt really sick all day on Saturday. My morning sickness was so severe that I ended up getting burst blood vessels all around my eyes and all over my neck. They're gone now, but the one in my right eye is still there, looking nice and gross. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Yesterday afternoon I started feeling some pretty uncomfortable pain in the center of my lower abdomen, so after an hour of this I called telehealth, and they told me if it hasn't gone away within two hours, or if it gets worse I should see a doctor. So, 2 and 1/2 hours later it hadn't gone away and it had gotten worse so mom drove me down to the emergency room, where they immediately sent me up to maternity. They called my midwife, but while we were waiting for her to arrive, they took my blood pressure and decided to get a fetal heartbeat reading. My nurse basically stood there, rubbing the thingy (I don't know what it's called) all over my stomach trying to get a heartbeat but we couldn't hear anything. Needless to say, I started to freak out a little. She just kept saying "Hmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm." and then left the room. At this point I burst into tears, sure that something had happened to the baby. She came back with a smaller machine, and within a few minutes we heard his heartbeat, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Only then did she decide to tell me that the first machine was meant for bigger babies, ones that were being monitored during labour, which is why it didn't pick up the baby's heartbeat right away. I could have strangled her.

Eventually my midwife arrived (after about 45 minutes of me listening in horror as the woman across the hall was going through scream-inducing labour!) and after asking me some questions, poking around and listening to the baby herself, assured me that this was probably a combination of the baby growing and the uterus stretching, being on my feet too much lately, not getting enough rest, and the awkward position I was standing in when I threw up in the shower on Saturday. She told me to get some rest, and gave me some ibuprofen. Then I asked for a natural remedy (I wonder how many of you are rolling your eyes?) and she said fresh pineapple and cranberry juice can help. So I picked those up, called Jim, went to bed and this morning I feel much better! I am, however, going to take her advice and rest today.

The funny thing is, when I started writing this week's blog, I actually started by saying how great this week has been. Then I started thinking about the events of the past week and had to start over. I sincerely think my threshold for pain and discomfort has reached an all-time high.

Evolution of a Blog...

This blog started out as my way of keeping family and friends posted on pregnancy details, so I wouldn't have to call everyone individually (because who has time for that?) and so that no-one would feel uninformed or left out.

It has become so much more than that to me in so little time. I look back and see that I started writing mostly about pregnancy symptoms. Then I included things I was unhappy about or excited about. Then as I really grew to love this baby more and more, I also began writing about other life events, and about my hopes and dreams. I've written about things that thrill me, and things that I find irksome. I've written about deeply personal things that I never would have shared with anyone, much less everyone who feels compelled to read this.

I have gotten so much feedback, advice and support from people and have truly appreciated it. I've rekindled some old friendships, been deeply touched that some people I thought we're out of my life due to geography, time, or just life happening actually read this on a regular basis. I find that inspiring. To know that I have a support network that spans distance and years is incredibly comforting to me, especially on the verge of a big move to a place far away from home where I know very few people.

This blog has become an outlet for me. I've been able to write when I'm happy, sad, mad, scared, euphoric and through tears of happiness and sadness - can you tell I'm emotional these days? I think it's a wonderful thing to know that if I can't sleep at 4am because I'm scared about motherhood, I can write about it, get my feelings out in the open, go back to bed and by 10am have messages of support, encouragement and understanding in my inbox to help me persevere. I love writing this blog, and I love everyone who reads it and has decided to come along for the ride with me.

Stay tuned. :)

Wake- Up Call!

Today I had another midwife appointment. Two very big things happened in this appointment.

Number one - Sharon informed me that my ultrasound indicated that the baby is Pyelectasis in one of his kidneys. Here is a link to the most informative internet article I found thus far in case you would like to know what that is, because I couldn't possibly explain it well enough.
http://www.childrensmemorial.org/depts/fetalhealth/pyelectasis.aspx

While she assured me that this usually resolves itself and isn't uncommon, especially in male fetuses, I am still worried. I get to be. It's my baby. And in the event that it doesn't resolve itself, it can cause significant kidney damage. So yes, I get to worry.

Which brings me to this other tidbit of delightfulness...I have gained 30 pounds since becoming pregnant. I wasn't very concerned about weight gain until now because although I thought I seemed to be gaining pretty quickly, I knew it was a normal healthy part of pregnancy. Since I've been eating well and getting pretty regular exercise I was sure this was just my body's way of being pregnant. No big deal.

Then I stepped on the scale at my appointment today and realized that I have gained a LOT of weight since my second trimester began, and that worries me. I told my midwife about my concerns, and while she assured me that as long as I was eating well and getting regular moderate-intensity exercise I needn't worry about it, when I said the number from the scale, her eyes widened. She tried to recover quickly, but I saw it...

On the way home my mind was overcome with negative thoughts like "What are you doing wrong?" "You must not be as healthy an eater as you think!" and "You are not giving your baby the best start possible- what is wrong with you?!"

After a much needed lie-down, my mind became a little clearer, and I started seriously evaluating my lifestyle as of late. First of all, with moving home, reconciling with Jim and working on our relationship, making plans to move to Nova Scotia, and the problems that inevitably come with living with a 12-year-old going through puberty and a 48-year-old going through menopause, I realized something. I am stressed. To the max. Stress has always been a big cause of weight gain for me, and many other human beings. And while I've done everything in my power to try and manage that stress, I'm not great at it. I'm hoping the decision to spend the rest of my pregnancy in the countryside of Nova Scotia will be one that will bring some much needed stress relief to my life. If that doesn't I don't know what will. As for Jim and I, things between us are wonderful now, with the only stressful relationship factor being that we are 14 hours apart and only see eachother for about a week every month. Nothing can be done about that, so until September comes and brings full-time Jim with it, I will just have to contiue to deal with that. And honestly, just knowing what a good place we're in right now makes even the long-distance issue seem like a small thing to deal with. It could be much worse.

Now, let's put the stress issue aside, because I am no longer one who sees a possible cause of a problem, then quickly and easily assign blame to it and move on. No, I am one to look at every possible cause or option, then think about them, read about them, learn about them (etc.) until I know what course of action to take. I think impending motherhood has caused this change in my way of thinking and decision making. And while I've always enjoyed being carefree and somewhat reckless, the change is a welcome one.

I have always been suspicious of what modern health officials have to say about what constitutes healthy eating and what doesn't. Ever since I reached an age where I began to get to know myself and question things, diet has always been an area of interest and experimentation. I have always had a gut feeling that eating animals and their bi-products is not only wrong, but seriously unhealthy. And I have to note that the biggest diet change I've made since becoming pregnant is dramatically increasing the amount of meat and dairy I consume.

I've been a lover of veggies and fruit for a few years now (thank goodness, because that might have been a hard habit to pick up quickly) so I know I get enough of that goodness, but because I don't feel I know enough about veganism to nourish my baby adequately if I stopped consuming animal products, I haven't tried. Instead, I have consumed huge amounts of animal products in an effort to efficiently and easily get the nutrients that baby books and north American doctors recommend for pregnant women. I have a nagging feeling that in doing so, I have unconsciously made myself less healthy than I was pre-pregnancy. This makes me wonder why, after years of honing my personal diet preferences and learning by experimentation what makes me feel good inside and out, I would scrap my personal beliefs about healthy eating and blindly follow the advice of the general public, and of books written by and for (for the most part, I'm not trying to pigeon-hole here) people who see nothing wrong with eating animal products.

I have decided to do a serious lifestyle overhaul. Being pregnant, this means I will start first by reading. I wouldn't be so reckless and selfish as to learn by experimentation when my baby's health is at stake. I am going to read and solicit advice on such topics as diet, prenatal exercise, media influence on stress levels and meditation. I want to learn (take a deep breath, because this is heavy) simply put, the best way to live. Obviously that will have to mean the best way to live in North America, because if the best way to live is to be self-sustaining and live in a yurt in the middle of a field with a pet goat and deliver my baby myself, I will be biting off more than I can chew, and guarantee-ing my kid gets picked on hardcore come public school.

Honestly though, what better time to really figure out what the best ways to eat, exercise, spend free time and relax are? And if the worst possible outcome is that I have to change some things about how I live, then what the heck am I waiting for? I've already changed my eating habits, my exercise habits, my plans for the future and my priorities. What have I got to lose?

It's a boy! And he's perfect.

Today was my ultrasound, and it was such a wonderful experience. I saw his perfect little feet, with his 10 perfect little toes, and I lost all self-control. I cried like a little baby. When the technician told me we were having a boy, I was so happy. I actually squealed. I am on top of the moon. Here's a picture of our beautiful baby boy.

20 weeks!

Hello again!

This past week has been a really good one. Either I am finally getting used to being pregnant (and it's about time!) or pregnancy really is getting easier...or both. I don't have a whole lot to report in terms of changes or symptoms this week. Sleep is getting easier. I think that's because I have been skipping my mid-day naps, so when I go to bed at night I am truly exhausted and sleep much more solidly. I'm peeing pretty often, which is still extremely annoying. I actually peed my pants last week due to a big sneeze...and I'm not talking about a trickle, I fully wet myself. Morning sickness seems to be going away though...I only throw up about once a week, when I wake up really hungry.

I can't get enough of corn on the cob. I loved it pre-pregnancy so I'm glad it's finally back in the grocery store. I ate corn on the cob en masse with shrimp for dinner the other night - heaven. Now that I'm thinking about it I may even walk over to the grocery store and get some for an afternoon snack. Mmmmmm.

I've been pretty absent-minded lately. Auntie Laura calls it 'placenta-brain'. I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence, forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it, and say things that sound like complete nonsense on occasion. I end sentences with "I don't know why I just said that" pretty often. I think it's kind of funny though...as long as it ends when the baby arrives. I don't want to have to say that pregnancy made me permanently stupid.

The baby is moving a LOT, which thrills me. I can finally feel movement from the outside, which is really exciting. I am pretty anxious for Jim to feel the baby for the first time. 28 more days until we reunite!

My 3rd ultrasound (I have to get another one done because the last one wasn't readable) is tomorrow, and I couldn't be more excited. I scheduled this one at the Doctor's Building downtown instead of the Group Health Center so their pesky 'only your doctor can tell you the sex' rule won't bite me in the ass again.

I will be leaving Sault Ste. Marie in less than three weeks...a fact that is as exciting as it is nerve-wracking. I am really excited to be in Winnipeg for some quality Jocelyne time. Maternity clothes-shopping, build-a-bear-ing and just being someplace different will be really fun. It also means I will be just a week away from seeing Jim again. It's actually painful how much I miss him. Only four more months of long-distance until this garbage-ey situation is over with.

It's now less than a month until I will be in Nova Scotia, and I am terribly excited. I love love love the country, and can think of no better place to spend the remainder of my pregnancy. I'm so looking forward to some peace and quiet. I'm also very eager to meet Jim's family and see where he grew up. Pregnancy has left my wardrobe pretty sparse, which for once in my life I consider a good thing, because packing won't be a problem!

Well, I think it's time for a walk...it's a beautiful day today. :)

Maybe tomorrow I can finally post the sex of the baby...stay tuned!