Because I have been emotionally supercharged the last 2 days, I've decided to share with you all how much I love my baby.
It astounds me how much I can be in love with someone I have never met, seen, heard or even felt yet. I can see my belly sticking out of course, and can feel sick 90% of the time, but I don't think that counts. I am unbelievably excited to hear the baby's heartbeat on Tuesday morning, because that will be the first time I will actually have some proof that he/she really is in there, alive and growing, getting ready for the day we meet.
I have always known on some level that there is a special kind of love that a parent has for their children, but it's surreal to be getting a little taste of it myself. Knowing how much I love my little nugget already makes me wonder in absolute awe how much I will grow to love him or her even more as time goes by. I would think my heart would explode when I give birth and get to hold this baby, look in it's eyes and smell that sweet baby smell, and know that this child is mine.
It's so wonderful, but kind of scary at the same time. Scary to know that even now, this little person is 100% dependent on me, and will be for years to come. That is an enormous responsibility. I'm reminded of the 15-year-old (and that's the oldest they possibly could have been) couple I saw in Sears yesterday when I was looking at cribs. They were also looking at baby gear and while I definitely try not to judge since I'm not in the most ideal situation myself, I found myself wondering how they will manage to raise a child, barely knowing themselves yet. The more I look around and see pregnant women (or girls) in various situations (such as the woman from Bethel who is pregnant and has cancer!) I can't help but think that not only could things be much worse, but I am actually incredibly blessed to be in my situation, with my own unique set of circumstances.
I'm not sick, I'm not a teenager, I'm not trapped in a loveless marriage, I have a big family, wonderful friends and a church who love and support me and who I can lean on when I need to, and Jim is a really beautiful person who will make an incredible father, regardless of what the future brings for the two of us. I am blessed.
Anyhow, I know this blog has mostly been about pregnancy symptoms thus far, and I figured it was important for you all to read about one of the wonderful things about this pregnancy - the incredible experience of a heart expanding to bursting point. I hope you all either have or will someday experience it, because it is truly magnificent.
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