5am Freakout

It's 5:39am. I've been up since 4. I am currently in the throes of what is possibly the worst freak-out session of my life.

It started when I got up to pee, then got back into bed and started worrying that my boobs will look like tube socks a year from now. That led to me worrying if Jim will still find me attractive if that happens...then what if the pressure of being thrown into parenthood before both of us were really ready will put too much stress on our relationship...then what if Jim and I don't work out...then what if I am dealing with heartbreak and raising a baby single at the same time...then what if Jim and I are fine, but I always miss the days when I was free and unencumbered by children and commitment...then what if I look back and say what I have always dreaded saying, which is"What if?"

I'm scared. What if I'm a bad mother? What if my son or daughter grows up to hate me? What if I'm responsible for a life that could have been wonderful, but did it all wrong? What if all parents-to-be don't go through this period of doubt and I'm actually just a horrible selfish person?

I have a feeling that this is due to the fact that my life is about to change dramatically and will never be the same, and this is the result: me laying in bed typing furiously and eating animal crackers to keep from barfing while tears stream down my face.

I hope this doesn't make you all think I'm a nut. Feedback and stories of personal experiences are incredibly welcome in this area.