Tate has arrived!

I would like to begin this post by warning any soon-to-be mothers to proceed with caution because this may scare the crap out of you! That having been said, here goes...

Last Thursday I was one week overdue and went into the hospital to have the obstetrician have a looksie at things and decide when to induce. He said to come in the next morning at 8am to be induced (gulp!) and then swept my membrane "just to see if things will get started on their own" and sent me away. I was pretty freaked out because I felt like I had just made an appointment to give birth, which made me painfully aware of how imminent labour was. Anyhow, Jim and I went out for some groceries, cleaned, ordered pizza and watched a movie, and just enjoyed our last night as a twosome. We made sure our bags were packed, showered, brushed our teeth and went to bed, ready (or as ready as we could be) for our appointment with parenthood in the morning.

At four in the morning, I awoke feeling like someone was drilling into my back. My first thought was "You have got to be freaking kidding me." This kid puts me through a week of extra waiting, then when someone else decides when he's going to come, he kicks us all in the balls and decides we're doing it his way. I have no idea who he got that from...

Anyhow, I got out my watch and since my contractions were 9 minutes apart, decided not to wake Jim and to go into the living room to have a snack and relax while waiting for Jim to wake up at 7, figuring we would call the hospital around 7:30 to let them know that I went into labour on my own and that we would come in when my contractions were closer together, knowing that could take a long time.

5:30 - Contractions are 5 minutes apart.
6:30 - Contractions are 3 minutes apart.
7:00 - Contractions are 2 minutes apart. I am hunched over the bathroom sink, moaning and crying, as Jim gets things into the car as fast as he can and makes me toast with peanut butter.
7:30 - We arrive at the hospital. Contractions are 1.5 minutes apart. I am not happy.

My labour nurse Bev brought me into the delivery room, sweetly tells me to change into a gown and that they would hook me up to the monitor to see how things were progressing. In the bathroom, as Jim is helping me undress and get into the gown I am making this really attractive noise deep in my throat, signalling my discomfort to the nurse. This happens 3 times within the next 5 minutes, and the nurse peeks her head in to ask how I am. I just look up at her, mid-contraction, and she says "Let's get her dressed and onto the bed so she can have some nitrous oxide."

As soon as I'm hooked up to the monitor Bev remarks that my contractions "sure are fast and furious" at which point I feel like yelling "NO SHIT, MAKE IT STOP!" but because she's so sweet, I keep my thoughts to myself and continue to moan into the gas mask. A lovely girl named Elise (student nurse) is rubbing my feet and quietly encouraging me, as Jim holds my hand and coaches me to breathe. For some reason, I was having a hard time with the whole breathing thing.

I would like to point out that at this point my thoughts are circling around one thing: "If this is going to get worse, I'd like to explore the option of doctor-assisted-suicide please."

Bev examined me and said that I was 4 centimetres dilated, and I wanted to cry, not knowing how long it would take to get to ten, and seriously reconsidering my decision not to take the drugs.

By 9:00 I was 8 centimetres dilated, and Dr. Joshi arrived assessed the situation and calmly said "Looks like the baby will be here around 10:00" as if this was a dinner party, and we were just waiting for the last guest to arrive. Normally this calm assessment of the situation would have infuriated me, but for some reason it calmed me down. Probably because it felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel. I asked for drugs. Dr. Joshi said there was no point, because by the time they started working we'd be done. Awesome. I wanted to die.

I would write about the next two hours in detail, but I've decided not to catalogue those particular memories because I'm afraid that if I do, I won't have any more children. This way, hopefully I forget. I will tell you this though...it hurt. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt before in my life. Nothing and no-one could have possibly prepared me for the pain of labour. I actually probably couldn't even do it justice if I did try to describe it here. It was pure unadulterated hell. Oh, and I tore. My vagina. I tore my vagina and needed stitches. In my vagina. And for the record, vagina stitches are the second most painful thing I've ever experienced, with the first being labour.

Jim was incredible. Somehow he knew just what to say and when to say it, when to squeeze my hand, when to remind me to breathe, when to encourage me, and when to just sit there and let me hold his hand. Maybe I could have done it alone, but as I lay there I remember thinking that I wouldn't be able to go on without him there. He was like an anchor. Wonderful man.

11:05 - Tate William James MacCabe is born. 8lbs 13.5oz, 56 cm long, absolute perfection.

I'm a mother! Tate was born and seeing him for the first time was the most wonderful, beautiful, surreal and memorable experience of my life. I was instantly hooked. After they had cleaned him up and checked him out and I was holding him, I lay there thinking "This is BIG love." I stared at him, wondering how it was possible that he was mine forever, that I got to keep him and have him and enjoy him for the rest of my life. It was worth every second of pain, and I would do it again ten times over.

After two nights in the hospital, we were discharged. Jim buckled Tate into his carseat and we walked out of the hospital and headed home...as a family.

This is my last pregnancy blog post, but because I have so enjoyed blogging over these past several months I've decided to write a blog about our family life. The link is here: http://happyholisticfamily.blogspot.com/

I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it, and I truly appreciate the encouragement and support of those of you who have been a part of this journey from day one. Much love!

My Uterus is a Ticking Time Bomb!

I am so so so so so so excited!!!

Jim will be home tomorrow, and the baby will be here any day now! I am so happy that my long, arduous period of waiting is finally coming to an end. I know that I should feel lucky to have all the free time, alone time and space I could ever want, and until a few days ago I was very happy and grateful for it. However, on Sunday night I hit my breaking point and since then have been so bored I felt like I was drowning!!! I didn't realize how hard it would be after awhile to be away from my friends and family. I love it here, and I love Jim's family of course, but I miss being able to go out for a walk in the city, or reading a book in a coffee shop downtown, or even just spending time with girlfriends. It makes me sad that I took those things for granted before. I wonder what I'm taking for granted right now?

Anyhow, I am thrilled that I only have one more day of waiting for Jim's homecoming, and I'm even more thrilled that we don't have to say goodbye anymore! I'm also a little nervous and scared about the crazy adventure we're about to embark upon together. Parenting. Dum...dum...dum...

I can't believe our son is almost here. After all of the weeks and months of waiting it actually seems crazy that he will be born soon. I've gotten so used to being pregnant that sometimes I forget what it was like not having to pee 20 times a day, what it was like to be able to bend over and be able to basically do any kind of physical activity I wanted. I actually do forget what it's like to be able to hop out of bed easily and gracefully. Nine months is much too long if you ask me...pregnancy was definitely thought up by a man.

I've spent the last few days cooking and freezing meals for the first couple of weeks after the baby arrives, making lists, cleaning every inch of our living area, sitting in the baby's room daydreaming, reading and preparing for Jim's arrival and the baby's arrival. In fact I did more cooking and housework today than I thought I could physically handle...which is probably why I'm going to have to slip into the bathtub when I'm finished writing this...it made me really stiff and sore!

I've thought about what to do with the blog once the baby has arrived, and besides making it into a book to give to him when he's older, I'm going to retire this one and start a new blog! I'll be amalgamating this one with my other healthy living blog and creating one about our journey into parenthood and our journey towards optimum health and wellness. I'll write about the baby, about the ups and downs of parenting, about our plans and adventures, and will include photos, recipes, and all kinds of good stuff. It's all ready and waiting for my first post...as a mom. I'll make sure to post the new site on here so you can follow a quick link to get to it if you are so inclined. I'll try to keep it updated as regularly as I've kept this one.

Well, stay tuned...it's almost birthing time!

False Labour

Yesterday at around five o'clock I started having Braxton Hicks contractions - which I'm used to at this point - on a semi-regular basis. As the minutes ticked by, they became more frequent and more intense. By 7:30, I was starting to think that maybe this was it! Labour! So, being my mother's child, I started cleaning. The thought going through my head wasn't "I'm going to have a baby!" but "This place must be spotless when I get home from the hospital!" It was weird, and kind of surprising. Anyways, after cleaning until I could clean no more, I slipped into the tub to try and relieve some of the intensity because at this point the contractions were getting pretty intense and the pressure in my back was unbelievable. I got out of the tub, checked to make sure I had everything packed and slipped into bed to read the 'How to Know If You're In Labour' sections of my pregnancy books. From what I gathered, it was just as likely that this was real as it was that it was false labour.

So, I called my mom. She made it pretty clear that she thought I should go to the hospital, and that I would end up having a baby at home if I didn't. However, after I hung up with her I thought about how tired I was and said to myself "You do not want to have a baby right now with no sleep." So I decided to try and sleep, figuring that if I was indeed in labour, I would either not be able to sleep, or I would wake up when it got intense enough for me to need to hop in the car and head for the hospital. On the other hand, if this was false labour I would most likely fall asleep and stay that way (until I needed to pee). So, being exhausted, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up this morning still pregnant. I was thrilled. I've been complaining lately that I'm sick of being pregnant and that I want to give birth NOW, but when I thought it was actually happening last night I was in a state of panic because Jim wasn't here. No matter how uncomfortable and impatient I am, I do not want to do this without him at my side. I can't even imagine it. So I had a chat with our little man this morning, and explained to him that while punctuality is an excellent quality to possess, making a habit of being too early can come off as obnoxious and rude, and he shouldn't develop a bad habit like that straight from the womb. I believe we have an understanding. As long as he can hold out until Friday when Jim arrives, I will be happy.

However, if he can give his dad and I just one day alone together before making his entrance (I'm dying to see Eat Pray Love) then I will be extra happy. :)

Only 2 1/2 more weeks...

8 months down...one month to go!

As of yesterday, I am one month away from my due date (which I guess means today I'm less than a month away...) and I am thrilled. As magical *cough* and beautiful *cough cough* and truly magnificent *aaaahem* as pregnancy is, I seriously CAN NOT WAIT for it to be over! I want my body to be my own again. I want to be able to run and bend, and even just roll over in bed again! There are so many things I'm looking forward to being able to do again, and so many things I'm looking forward to not doing anymore (like peeing 30 times a day and having to sleep with 7 pillows arranged all around me) but the thing I am most looking forward to is the precious little human I get to love and hold and nurture.

It's so common to hear that women can't wait to 'meet' their babies, and I also can't wait for the moment I see him for the first time, but I already feel like I know him. After all, he's the little man I sing to in the mornings when I wake up and feel him start to squirm around inside. He's the little guy who affects every food and drink choice I make because I know those choices affect him too, the one who has taught me so much already about taking life as it comes and learning to roll with the punches (and kicks!) that come my way. He's the little guy who I tell to knock it off when I feel a foot creeping up into my ribs, and the one I feel sorry for when I notice burst blood vessels all over my belly because there is no more room in there! I'm anxious to hold him, nurse him, bathe him, feel his breath on my chest and his fingers wrap around mine, but I wouldn't say I'm anxious to 'meet' him. We're already old pals.

As my due date comes nearer and nearer I can't help but think about all of the things I'm excited for, but also the things I'm nervous about. What if my obsession with a healthy lifestyle makes him stand out like a sore thumb at school? Nobody is going to trade a toasted avocado sandwich on ezekiel bread for a snack pack! What if my love and patience wears thin and I lose my cool and make him cry? What if we have money problems and he has to go without something? What if I don't do a good enough job instilling the values and morals I place so much importance on and he ends up taking a wrong path? What if I can't accept that he has to make his own mistakes and follow his own path when the time comes? And what will I do on the day that will inevitably come, when he realizes I am not perfect, I don't have it all figured out, and I make bad choices sometimes too? All of these things run through my head constantly, leaving me feeling more than a little overwhelmed.

While I worry about the future, I also look forward to it. I wonder what kinds of things he will teach me, and how I will see things through a new set of eyes. I wonder how I will react in certain situations and how I will manage the stress of being a mother at the same time as I am deciding what to do career-wise. I'm so lucky to have the partner I have in Jim. In the situations where I need to do some work, he's got it figured out, and vice versa. So many people don't have that and I am seriously grateful. The fact that I will be able to hand him the baby and say "mom needs to go for a run" and know that he gets it is a huge comfort. Having someone to lean on is an incredible gift, and I never realized until I was faced with the reality of motherhood just how hard and scary it must have been for my mom to do it without a partner. I'm so glad she had my aunts, uncles and grandparents as a support system. I can't imagine doing this without Jim.

Now I'm aware of every tick of the minute hand, knowing that as the minutes and hours pass, I am coming closer and closer to being a mother. I'm still searching for the 'How To Be A Perfect Mother and Make No Mistakes' manual. If you know where I can get one, let me know! Until then, I'll just have to take the kicks as they come.

34 weeks...tick-tock...tick-tock.

Well, I woke up this morning and it was still August so I'm pissed. Jim left for Sioux Lookout again on Saturday, and so began the longest four weeks of my life. I've been trying to make lemonade out of the situation and all I'm coming up with is that when this four weeks is over, we're together at last with no more goodbyes, and we will be 2 weeks away from having a baby! The tricky part is figuring out what the heck to do to fill up my time until then.

I actually have a lot to do. I still have a list of things to pick up for the baby (although we do have most necessities, so if he comes early we won't be diaper or carseat-less), lots of sewing to finish up (I still have two nursing covers, a changepad cover, a sling and a chair slipcover and a few pillows to sew), a couple of books to finish reading about holistic parenting and childbirth since I don't know how much time I will have to read once my little man is here, and lots of recipes to try out so I can figure out which ones to make and freeze in advance, and prepare grocery lists to make the first couple of weeks easier. Jeez...typing it out makes me feel like I should get my butt off the computer and hop to it! Oh, and I also have to finish the afghan I'm knitting for the baby. However, that's one thing that isn't urgent since I can knit once he's here too!

Last week we picked up a bunch of stuff to finish off the baby's room like clothes storage, stuff for a changing area, etc. Jim put up a shelf and curtain rod for me and I finished the 3rd (and last) painting I had planned for the room. Now once I have the slipcover for the second chair sewn, and the pictures of Jim and I developed and framed, the room will be complete! Speaking of which, I'll share a couple of the pictures on here.

The playpen arrived and is set up and ready! We also picked up our cloth diapers last week which was really exciting! We're using Bummis pre-folds and wraps (check them out online, they're painfully cute) and homemade wipes and washcloths in lieu of disposable diapers and chemical-soaked commercial wipes. I'm hoping disposable diapers will go the way of the do-do soon. However, we will have a few disposable diapers on hand for day trips and the odd day when I might need a pinch hitter when the diapers are all dirty and I'm sitting in the closet chewing on my hair because I don't want to do any more laundry. Cloth diapering is really easy though for people who have their own washer/dryer in the house, so while it may sound crazy, it's really a better choice, both for babies (organic unbleached cotton vs. synthetic & chemical-laden) wallets (a cloth diapering kit will pay for itself in 3 months instead of paying for disposable diapers for two years!) and the environment (disposable diapers are the third largest contributor to landfill waste in North America). Okay, I'm done ranting about the disposable diaper now.

I washed everything (and I mean everything that could go into a washing machine, did) and folded and put it all away, which was a magical experience. Washing and folding the clothes made me second-guess the amount of clothing we have and wonder if we needed more, but then I reminded myself that I didn't want to have a huge surplus of clothes and kicked that knee-jerk reaction's butt! I'm pretty anxious to have the nursery finished now that I'm in the home stretch. I go into the baby's room several times a day and just stand there, so excited for when there's a baby in it! After hours of research and reading reviews online we picked up a breast pump (I'll be using a manual one for now, since I'll only be pumping once a day for awhile) and a baby monitor. We decided to wait to buy a swing and baby carrier since they're not an absolute necessity and we need to watch the $$$ spending. We got the cutest baby bathtub I've ever seen! The carseat will arrive on Wednesday (thanks again Mom!) and once MEC get their butts in gear the stroller will be on it's way. We chose the BOB SUS jogging stroller. It's incredible, and I recommend you check it out online. The baby will be riding around in the cadillac of jogging strollers while I lose all this pesky weight. *I can't WAIT to get running again!*

Now as for me, the past couple of weeks have been hell pregnancy-wise. I've had intense pain from time to time from my pubic bone separating (which Dr. MacCara said is rare, but normal), sciatic pain so intense it makes me cry and an unbelievable amount of pressure in my lower back. Combine those with constant peeing, mood swings and an unbearably itchy belly and you've got me. Needless to say, I get grumpy from time to time and am 100% ready to give labour a try. On the bright side, the sciatic pain wasn't kicking around yesterday and seems to have taken a vacation today as well so I'm going to go enjoy a walk with Quincy while I can!

The baby is very active, and it's really fun to watch him move around in my belly. It's kind of weird to see things jabbing out and moving across the surface of my stomach, but also really wonderful to think that there's a little person in there who is tantalizingly close to being ready to come out and meet us. I can't wait!

Alright, well my butt hurts from sitting here typing too long, so I'm off for a walk with Quincy!

32 weeks!

Aloha! I'm laying in bed right now only half-awake trying to summon the motivation to shower and start the day, so I figured the most productive way to procrastinate would be to update the blog. Lucky you!

The past couple of weeks have been good, but also very hard. The bigger I get, the harder it is to move around. It's also quite hot here which basically results in me hanging out in the rec room with a fan blowing on me for most of the day. Jim has been gone for a week and 1/2, and will be back in 9 days...the time apart has been harder than it ever has, so that doesn't help. It might sound silly, but sometimes I think life will be easier when the baby is here (if you're a mother, I bet you're laughing at me right now) because the emotional ups-and-downs won't be so awful. At least when the baby is here my mood won't be so unpredictable and Jim will be here, so I won't be missing him most of the time. What a wonderful time that will be! AND the baby will be here. Yahoo!

I've had the weirdest, most unpredictable week sleep-wise. For three nights I got a combined total of 10 hours of sleep and wasn't able to nap during the days, then for the past three nights I got 7 hours, 7 hours and 9 hours, with an hour of napping during the day in between! I've been paying really close attention to what I do during the day so I can try to identify anything that might be helping me sleep at night, but nothing sticks out! Besides a change in position nothing is any different than usual, so I can only assume that my sleep position is kicking insomnia's butt, or that whether or not I sleep is a decision made by someone, somewhere (with a cruel sense of humour!).

I've finally found a prenatal yoga program that I'm really happy with (great timing, right?) and it's from a book instead of a video, which was surprising. It's the yoga routine from Deepak Chopra's Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives which is a guide to a holistic pregnancy and childbirth - right up my alley! It's been helpful with relieving some back pain, but pelvic lifts are getting really hard since I have this huge uterus to lift! It's like doing a pelvic lift with weights strapped on! However, learning to breathe and focus through yoga and meditation is said to be enormously helpful during labour, so I'm keeping at it no matter what!

I've started a chain of beads (an idea I got from a holistic pregnancy forum) representing every woman I know who has gone through labour. There is a different type of bead for every woman, and the number of beads represents how many children she has. So for an example, there's three of one bead representing my mom, two representing Auntie Laura, two for Auntie Debbie, four for Grammie, three for Shannon's mom Gwen, etc. The woman I got the idea from said it was really helpful during pregnancy to use the string of beads like a japa mala (hindu prayer beads). She would hold each bead in her hand while focusing on her breathing and reminding herself that every bead she held represented a birth that someone she knew had experienced and survived! I figured that's just the kind of hokey thing that would be perfect for me! It's just difficult finding new beads...

Since Jim left I've been a busy mommy bee setting up the nursery! I've been sewing like a maniac since I'm too stubborn to use a sewing machine and it looks great so far! I've sewed slipcovers for the rocking chair, nursing covers, a breastfeeding pillow and extra pillowcases for it and made pillows out of the extra fabric. I've also finished a painting for the room, hung curtains and gave the whole room a good disinfecting! I've been accumulating all the things on our to-buy-for-the-baby list, which is really fun, but also really overwhelming! I'm working through a 3-page list of basic necessities (baby shampoo, recieving blankets, breast pump, pacifiers, etc.) and it's really fun to cross stuff off, but not so fun to see how big the list still is after I do! I wanted to be mostly ready by the first week in August just in case the baby takes after me and decides to come early, but I don't think that's going to pan out! But I suppose that as long as we have diapers, the car seat and my boobs, then that's all we really need if he makes an early entrance!

As you probably know, we're using cloth diapers. We'll be ordering them while Jim is here the first week of August and I'm way more excited than I thought I'd be for them to arrive! I think it's because once the diapers are here I decided to give myself permission to finally wash everything and put it away, and get the changing area set up. I will enjoy every second of that experience! Auntie Laura told me when she got to do that for Genevieve, she washed everything and wouldn't let Uncle Denis help fold! She just blissfully did it all herself, and relished every second of it. I know it's going to make the anticipation even juicier!

Once I've got all of the basic baby necessities, that's when I'm going to pick up the not-so-fun stuff, like pyjamas for the hospital, nursing bras, nursing pads, underwear and lots of super-absorbent maxi-pads. I'm avoiding that purchase like the plague since I've enjoyed 7 and 1/2 blissful period-free months and am not happy about that little bit of magic coming back. The baby books say it can last for up to 6 weeks! I say that's cruel and unneessary! A woman who just went through pregnancy, gave birth and is now a sleep-deprived human milking machine shouldn't have to do all of that while bleeding. It's not fair. I really believe that if men and women had to trade off being pregnant every time they wanted a baby, there would be no families bigger than 3 out there! However, I also find it amazing that Jim has the mind-power and patience to put up with my mood swings. They can be nasty little buggers. The things I can get really worked up over are surprising (like the time I told Mom to go to hell when she asked to go pee before I took a shower one night...eeks...I'm still feeling bad about that one!) I've written myself a note to remind me that Jim is also going through this pregnancy, and even though he isn't experiencing morning sickness, insomnia, backaches, an upsetting amount of weight gain and mood swings from hell, he is putting up with a woman who is, and he too is feeling fear, anxiety and worry about becoming a new parent. Sometimes it's hard to remember that. Poor Jim. This is why people date for a couple of years, get married and then have kids after awhile. Oops! Ah well, I wouldn't be me if I weren't doing things in my own way, in my own time, and totally different than anyone would have expected!

Well, I can't hold my pee any longer (which is usually what makes me end up getting out of bed in the morning!) so off I go.

P.S. This blog is dedicated to Katie Rains, who paid her dear friend Kim a lovely visit on Wednesday. What a gem. :)

30 weeks...and it's freaking hot here!

First things first...sorry for being such a lazy blogger, but Jim was here for 10 days and frankly I just didn't make time. But now I have three long, depressing, Jim-free weeks full of blogging time.

Wednesday marked week 30, and it was a very exciting day for me! I felt like a Spartan woman just because I've made it this far without pulling out my eyelashes one by one. It's amazing how pregnancy has put me in touch with the feminist in me. It is truly incredible that we as women have the incredible power and the incredible gift of being able to bring forth a new life. That's something I'm going to try and remember more often in the next two months. It's funny though, as much as I complain sometimes and feel fat, uncomfortable and overheated a lot of the time, as time goes by, I become more and more open to the idea of doing this again. We'll see if that positive outlook survives labour...

My last OB appointment was another surprising one, with only one pound gained in three weeks, but 4 inches of belly growth! My pants and skirts are starting to fall down easily over my hips. I believe I'm gaining baby and losing fat...which is 100% okay with me, especially since besides eating a supremely healthy diet and trying to walk often (and it's actually more of a slow waddle than a walk these days) I am making no effort to lose it! It's a pregnant woman's dream! Maybe by the time I give birth I will be back to my normal size...

Probably not.

Today I picked up the ingredients to make a breastfeeding pillow, slipcovers for the pillow, and nursing covers! It was a lot of fun to pick out fabrics for them. They're all baby-patterned super-soft flannel and they're adorable! Instead of using a sewing machine I'm doing them all by hand. I like the idea of putting the extra time in, especially because while I'm making them I'll be full of love and excitement. Sappy as it sounds, the more love and care I put into making something the more special it seems. This month I will be getting the nursing room ready. Since we've decided to wait until we've moved into wherever we will be living once Jim is back to work in November (and we don't know where that will be yet) to get the nursery furniture, we'll be having the bassinet in our bedroom, and turning the baby's room into a nursing/changing room. That means over the next few weeks I will be getting that all ready which is really fun and exciting. I'll put up pictures when it's finished.

Pregnancy-wise the past couple of weeks have been a little more difficult than what I had been getting used to. It's hard to get comfortable at night, therefore it's also kind of hard to fall asleep. But as soon as I find a comfortable position I fall asleep almost instantly which is nice. I'm usually up 2-4 times to pee at night, which has just become a normal part of my night so I really don't mind that at all. I wake up really hungry around 7am, but a banana or bowl of cereal is usually enough to satiate me enough to go back to sleep. My lower back has had a bit of a dull ache lately, which gets really uncomfortable sometimes, especially in the evening when it gets pretty sore, and my pelvic bone feels like it has a bowling ball resting on it sometimes. Jim can attest to the fact that my emotions are at an all-time high right now, with the smallest thing reducing me to tears. It's incredibly annoying, especially when I'm trying to say something but I'm crying and can't get it out, and don't even know why I'm crying. I'm looking forward to the day when I feel like myself again.

The baby's kicks are getting pretty intense, but except for bedtime kicking, I enjoy it alot. He has a pretty distinct pattern of waking and sleepng now, which I find fascinating. I've been getting into meditation and pranayama (yogic breathing exercises) to help prepare me for labour. I still wish I had a good prenatal yoga video to use, but they're not an easy find.

I spent hours this week researching strollers and ended up picking the Porsche of jogging strollers. It has 16" wheels, awesome shock absorption, hand and back wheel brakes, a wrist strap for hilly runs, fully reclines, can be made carseat-compatible and is meant for off-road walking and jogging. I couldn't find a single bad review of it which was the biggest seller for me. I can't wait to get out running again! I know it's going to be a very different running experience than I'm used to with a stroller in front of me, but I don't care, I know it's going to feel fantastic to pound the pavement again. I've promised Jim I'll be pacing myself and that I won't end up going race-crazy and hurting myself again which might be a hard promise to keep at times, but I know I'll be doing myself a favour by taking it slow and easy for awhile.

Well, it's time to get sewing!